Saturday ... believe in humanity = - 1000000000000000
It's Saturday night .. I stand on the stairs, back casual listen to the railing, music ... Samsas Traum - A name in the crystal ... waiting for Andrea and Patrick ... I light a cigarette ... I've just created a new Packerl for the upcoming birthday celebration of the Rim, a longer night events is purchased.
I stand so ... smoke ... and wait. Since an ass warts Gabber comes .. Hellbalues kappale Prolo ... aufgsetzt to 45 degrees .... Plaue dark jacket ... light blue jeans ... White shoes ... dark blue sweater ... silver has Ketter.
he snarls at me a "fags" to ... I ... big-hearted as I am ... get my Packerl out ... open it ... pull one out ... and hold it there ... ER ... ma travels the Packerl from the hand, turns around, goes. I am a little surprised by the audacity and easily confused. he already friends again with his Prolo ... and goes away ... I realsies the situation. go after him ... "GE oida ... what is this about ... gibs restore ... I find my sama ... (etc.)" go after him .... he turns around ... rushes up to me ... is to stess ma ... I stumble back ... soft but nciht back ... he gives one blow to the clavicle (right again) ...
the face of this violence, I resigned ... I am pacifist ... never had a serious schlägerein and no desire to do with it ... certainly due to nciht few cigarettes ...
but the adrenaline and the anger was gone, remains only to despair. Despair, to which I now in a Bubble was found ... always have seen the good ... Naive .... Pacifist
coming on to me this pacifist attitude has taken? onto a clavicle and a nervous breakdown.
I was completely ready ... countless gedabken me shoot like machine gun through the head .. I did the right thing? I have provoked him? cih what have done wrong? the typical victim of thought .. But I separate myself from ... he is the asshole I do not ... Anger springing up ... I'd can make him ready? He was about 20 cm taller than me ... I could do it ... I would have been the first pestle unexpected by his arms ... on his body and him in the bring focus to ... was installed before and had no idea of focus and leverage, let the anatomy ... ... Anger fades ... Utopias disappear ... I would have had no chance ... I with my 1.65 and more fat than muscle ...
then comes the worst feeling ... the feeling of weakness ... helplessness ... and it does not go away ... It sets itself ... and you feel soo unnecessary ... nichtsnützig ... superfluous ...
Andrea came ... patrik came ... nike and martin came ... all have realized what was wrong with me ... nciht was difficult .. after the problems I had to hold back the tears ... and had red eyes ... Andrea has the same worried about me ... but I could do not talk ... brought out everything no sound ... no idea why ...
I am glad that I have friends like these ... out there for me, even if they have no idea what is going on ...
love you all ...
well ... the whole has to believe my humanity and my faith in myself, in my einstellungm life changed mine. ... I think even now, after what I would do differently and solln What, Where ... oh shit ...
is living the no box of chocolates ... understood habs ... unfortunately ...
lg mathias
PS: Happy Birthday .... RIM
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